I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize