Im at strip club and am horny
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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