so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
