So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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