I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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