my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
love makes seman taste better
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's always time for handjobs
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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