dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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