Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
