Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
