Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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