so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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