Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
All I want is dick and wine.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
