Non-Jews are for practice
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
