the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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