Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
it's like iHOP with fire
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
