Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
