what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
