I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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