sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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