Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I skipped work to stalk him.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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