I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
