What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
