I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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