He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
