Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
