Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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