i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
