I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
