I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
