He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
