just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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