i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am available for nakedness
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
