East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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