just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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