I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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