Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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