so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I lost the right to judge tonight
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
