My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
