chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
