I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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