32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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