My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
