who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
