bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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