you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
