He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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