Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
