I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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