All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
