with your own penis?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
