Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Bring me that man meat
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
