Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
