Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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