I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
