I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
