Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
