Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize