mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
