Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
