I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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