wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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