i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
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