9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
