went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He passed out mid-signature
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
