went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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