bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
