FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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