I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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