Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
