Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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