dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
