i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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