I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
