My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
