yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
