my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
