I think i sorta joined a cult last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
