well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
