Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
