WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize