why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
