That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Did I show you my penis last night?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
