why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
